Before I begin this piece in earnest, let me assure the reader that I hold the subject matter as powerful, complicated, and important.  I do not wish to diminish nor demean the points of view of any of the participants.  I shall try to be an impartial explorer.  I will fail.

It’s approaching 6am and the party hasn’t even thought of letting up…

..after all, you’ve paid your $125 cover, and your blood is rocketing with a mix of alcohol and your upper of choice.  You’ve donned your finest leathers.  Straps, buckles, belts and bondage.  You press into a steaming army of bare pectorals.  You throw your hands into the air and kiss the hot stranger next to you.  You are at The Black Party.

This annual gay leather/bondage/fetish extravaganza, which annually graces the Roseland Ballroom, might be the pinnacle of sanctioned debauchery in NYC. Thousands of barely dressed gay men from all backgrounds will come together (yes, sometimes that way), in an attempt to have the night of their lives.  Some will succeed and emerge exhausted, but with a high that will last into the week, and memories that can be shared for years to come.  A few will learn, months or years down the line, that it was the fulcrum pitching them into a decision that lead to costly addiction or disease.

I was tasked by my employer to wear the press badge, and cover The Black Party Expo this past weekend. They do not allow cameras into The Black Party proper, so I cannot claim first hand experience of the activities therein, but in talking to folks at the expo and reading this article, I think i’m on solid ground with my description. The expo portion is something like an undersized porn convention – sponsors, vendors, and other interested parties set up shop to provide a bit of pre-gaming and, as it turns out, attempt some consciousness raising.  The booths are set up on the floor of the Roseland, and later cleared to make way for the main event. Take in some of the sights and sounds of the expo with the following.  It is most definitely NSFW.

Now you might be thinking – “Christ, if this is what happens at the expo, what on earth happens at the party?”  You’ll just have to buy your ticket to find out. But at the expo, walking the dim grid of folding tables and step and repeats, you can find your lube and toys and leather anythings.  Porn stars perform just some of the acts you can find in their latest DVD release (including, in 3D – Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls).  Bent over a saddle, a dutiful bondsman receives a spanking from his loving kinkster.

This place will receive no empathy from The 700 Club.

But here’s the thing – all of this is OK –  or so says Dr. Jeffery Parsons (aka.Mrs. Loofah Styles), Co-Director of CHEST (Center for HIV/AIDS Educational Studies and Training), and Professor of Psychology at Hunter College.  Loofah was on hand, supervising the circulation of a survey, aimed at getting a snapshot of the behaviors of gay and bisexual men in NYC.

This kind of frank conversation is one that you will never hear with any competency in mainstream media. Behind this bubbly blond is a serious man, who believes strongly in his sex-positive message, and, it would seem, has done the research to back it up. Click his name above to browse some of his resume concerning issues of safety and sexual practices among gay and bisexual men.

I’m tempted to side with his argument.  Perhaps it’s the Rocky Horror fan in me.  We have seen the way that ultra-conservative sex ed. programs often lead to unexpected and risky behavior as hormones seek a way ’round the rigid demands of abstinence only education. Suddenly anal sex no longer counts as “real” sex in the mind of teenagers, so don’t worry, you haven’t broken your virginity pledge so long as you keep to bottoming. I would love to see a debate between some Catholic school board of education, and an organization like CHEST.

I’m also struck by the inherent heterosexism present in abstinence only sex-education.  After all, the whole point is to imbue in the mind of the student that there is something incredibly special about waiting until marriage to have sex, and something inherently wrong about jumping the gun, as it were.  Yet I imagine a quiet gay student braving the raise of a hand to ask the question “I’m not allowed to get married.  What do I do?”

This aggressive sex positive stance may immediately slap you hard with sheer counter-intuitiveness.  For some, it seems to go against all notions of common sense.  If there is a problem with sex – namely that if you have it with the wrong person you may contract a life threatening illness – then surely the answer is to not have sex?  Or at least be very very careful about whom you have sex with?  Yet this philosophy says no.  We know how these diseases are contracted.  We know what prevention methods are effective.  Apply certain basic rules to your sexual practices, and you can feel free to have all the sex you like.

But here are some questions I would like answered:

Let us unscientifically posit that it is a triple threat of a lack of education, lack of economic opportunity, and damning social stigmas which are leading to unsafe sexual practice among gay men.  Will eliminating these problems dramatically decrease STI rates?

Let us unscientifically posit that the San Francisco Bay Area is the most accepting place in America for gay people.  Does this philosophy’s veracity bare out in the city by the bay?  Or are affluent, well educated gay men with strong social support still experiencing disproportionately high rates of STI’s?

Given the effects of lust, exhaustion, drugs and alcohol on personal inhibition and clear-thinking, is it reasonable to expect men to make responsible sexual decisions at or after an event like The Black Party?  And is there a group-think effect created by an event like The Black Party or the sub-cultures which feed it, that allows men to act on risky impulses that they would normally bury?

Their paper survey (which can be taken online here) constitutes 4 or 5 pages of direct questions about your sexual practices.  How often have you had sex, and under the influence of what substances?  What kinds of acts did you perform, with or without protection, and while knowing or not knowing your partners HIV status?  We should not shy away in shame or be at all bashful in the face of such questions.  What’s more – I think the idea is that the more we can discuss them in public light, and with our sex partners, the lesser the stigma, and the safer we all are.

Another group of dedicated activists, Harlem United, provided free, rapid, and confidential STI testing at the expo, with shrouded booths in a dark corner to provide the necessary anonymity.

And yet another service provider was Crystal Meth Anonymous.

Strolling through the doors of the Roseland, I carried some anxiety…

…after all, this isn’t exactly my scene – or perhaps more accurately – I’ve never considered that this could be my scene. But in my opening paragraph, when I described The Black Party as “what might be the pinnacle of sanctioned debauchery in NYC“, why did I frame it that way? If debauchery is defined as overindulgence in sensual pleasure, surely we must require a definition of overindulgence and one of simply indulgence?  In true Rocky Horror fashion, the mantra is mixed somewhere between “give yourself over to absolute pleasure” and “don’t dream it, be it.”

Let’s take the bondage issue.  Why is it that when most of us see a man or woman scantily clad in a studded leather harness, we twinge with a peculiar mix of disgust, shock, and arousal? There is no thought involved.  Not really.  It happens instinctually.  Surely there is heavy symbolism at play, which connects in our minds images from antiquity concerning torture, slavery, and submission.  The tools used to pleasure the kinkster were once used to punish the deviant.  With my tongue planted firmly in cheek (a dangerous metaphor in this context) I must say that I haven’t read enough Freud to draw upon classic ideas of sadomasochism, but you get the idea.

So when an unprepared observer witnesses the events of The Black Party and lets out a gasping “my god!”, what are they really reacting to?  Is it their own desires tugging against the barbs of their cultural cilice?

It is a topic worthy of many many bytes.  Did you know that there is an entire Journal of Homosexuality which has existed since 1974 and comprises over 50 volumes?  Fifty volumes of research concerning all facets of what it means to be attracted to someone of the same sex, and how such a community has structured itself.  And if you thought that was it – try this!

I’ve been hacking at this keyboard for two long nights with this piece, and while I’ve barely scratched the surface of my many conflicting thoughts on these topics, I guess I’ll close with this:

It upsets me that in our day to day, so many are so limited in their capacity to discuss sex intelligently, when sex is the fusion reactor powering so many of our decisions. So much research has been done on the subject and yet even I, who pretends savvy on these issues, haven’t a clue what any of it means!  Going into this piece, I thought it might become a debate about the morality of sex.  I maintain a level of reserve and caution in my own sex life that feels appropriate to me. I occasionally check in with myself at the boundaries of this reserve to see what still stands.  Yet those who operate from a looser set of rules raise my blood pressure.  This could even have been a polemic, written from the part of my personality that cringes and screams with anger and lashes out at the thought of those who perpetuate the image of the sexually obsessed and narcissistic gay man.

But I realize that I haven’t even scratched the surface of the issue.  I’m not reading the Journal of Homosexuality.  What’s more, many of the people who are writing it would be happy attendees of The Black Party.  So what do they know that I don’t, and how did that knowledge affect their behaviour, and their identities as gay men?  I do not know.  I’d like to find out.  So I will.

Stay tuned for an expansion of this subject as part of my official role at IN THE LIFE.