November 22 – 24, 2010 – Kuala Lumpur
First, to you enterprising Brits out there, please enjoy this graphic I made:
There, glad we got that sorted. Now then, three weeks after first landing in Kota Kinabalu and having my short panic attack, I find myself in the swing. As my plane rolls into the sky from Kuching, I am happy to leave Borneo behind, my curiosities satisfied. I leave with plenty still to experience on the island, and future visits will hopefully find me diving Sipidan, paying a short visit to Brunei, and crossing into Kalimantan. I had originally planned to visit Indonesia next, but the cost of the flights and the somewhat unstable nature of the region caused me to abandon those plans. So instead I’m off to the mainland, to Kuala Lumpur.
Why is a tall tower or two necessary to define a city? The Empire State Building (and Twin Towers), the Sears Tower, the Seattle Space Needle, the Burj Dubai, the…err… Tower of London? In any case, KL’s Petronas Towers are shiny and new, finished in 1997, just in time for Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones to have become entrapped within. As a New Yorker, it’s almost a cliché to be wowed by this kind of engineering prowess, yet as the KLIA Express train brings me through the suburbs to KL Sentral, I sneak guilty glimpses out the window, hoping to catch sight of the silvery duo, and there they are!
When these towers went up, Kuala Lumpur became a modern city in the eyes of the world. They have skyscrapers, an active and expanding public transportation system, shopping malls, nightclubs, 4G mobile broadband, even their own edition of Time Out magazine. All of these western amenities come with western prices, but if you visit the right neighborhoods, you can still get delicious street food such as crispy vegetable fritters, three for RM1, and that’s really the joy of this city. There is a stimulating mix between western and eastern styles, food, prices, and cultures. I’m currently sitting in the six tier shopping mall which straddles the Petronas complex, surrounded by every high-end designer and brand you can imagine. Go ahead, try one out! Yes, it’s here.
Yep, that one too.
If I spend too much time in this town I’ll end up buying things. I’ve already spent far too much time and money at this Starbucks. I just watched a Tony Scott film! (though the movie ticket was $4) What is happening to me? Let’s get out of here!
The Bird Park
One of my first ports of call was the KL Bird Park. It is the worlds largest free flight aviary. You enter as you would an airlock, with double doors to prevent bird loss (you’ve all been processed through an airlock before haven’t you?) and are greeted by squads of rather slow looking storks. Egrets and their ilk skim overhead and seek out bits of abandoned burger bun. Some of the animals are kept in medium-large pens which somewhat deflates the open-air hype of the place since these are the more interesting species under lock and key. Most of the hornbills, the owls and the eagles are behind wire mesh. Keeping the Cassowary’s penned up I understand, but not quite so much why the back wall of said pen is only four feet high.
I had only toured for half an hour when a downpour began. I took refuge under a flamingo themed snack stand with a mother and child, and a peacock. Roughly an hour passed with no sign of the weather improving, so I made a few calculated dashes from eave to eave and eventually exited the park, finding cover once again at the nearby National Mosque. Drenched, and with the lower steps of the building already occupied by other stranded travelers, I walked up two or three steps to claim better real estate. Soon, a pair of shawled women raced up and gave me a bit of a talking to. Apparently one isn’t even allowed to sit on the steps of a mosque if you’re wearing shoes.
A Thoroughly Disgusting Thing
Having hopefully wowed you with the feathered beauty of the bird park, allow me to disgust you. As I exited the park, during a brief lull in the storm, here’s what I was not thinking to myself: “Gee, you know what I hope to find lying on top of a storm drain in the center of a paved walkway? A giant centipede consuming a toad.”
This video is not for the queasy.
Yes, there it was, most unexpected. I would have taken more pictures and video, but unfortunately for me (though fortunately for the toad), a loud and inquisitive group of Chinese schoolchildren came by and ‘inspected’ the creatures, inciting the not-so-itsy-bitsy centipede to go down the drain, and the toad to make a break for it!
I have to say I was completely surprised to see the toad go anywhere, because from my vantage point, it seemed as though the centipede had eaten off one of its legs (it hadn’t) and I assumed the centipede’s poison would have paralyzed the toad (it hadn’t).
Noooooooo Reservationsssss
That evening, wrapping up some research at the hostel, a fellow guest shared that if I was in the mood for a meal, I shouldn’t miss this place down the block. Just past the Pizza Hut he said. Pizza Hut is almost as big as KFC out here (6 cheese blend you know). I wandered down the street, following the monorail, and found the venue closed for the night. No matter – I simply strolled to the restaurant one block up. A line had formed to order (a good sign), and from behind a large food cart a man was slopping around servings of one thing or another onto heaping plates of rice. I checked over my shoulder for Anthony Bourdain’s camera crew, feeling for sure this must have made an episode of No Reservations. I had no idea what I was about to eat, but it looked greasy and delicious, and the bowl of okra sealed the deal. When the turn was mine, I simply had to point through the glass partition to the protein and veg of my choice, and with a swift flash of tongs, the gentleman tossed a piece of blackened something, a heap of pancake thing, some okra, and a splash of 3 or 4 different gravies onto my rice. 
I sat down, ordered my drink, helped myself to one of a pile of bananas on the table, and when I was through with this gluttony goodness, walked out the door having paid three dollars for it all. It was absolutely delicious, soul food of the highest order. The blackened thing was half a chicken breast in some sort of dark barbecue sauce. The pancake thing was, well, a multi-layered pancake thing, with a tinge of green and some shredded vegetables within. The rice sopping up all that sauciness was sensation unto itself. I’m absolutely sure the place violated half a dozen New York health codes, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A word on beverages – I was looking for a beer, and indeed a cold Tiger would have been the perfect accompaniment, but when I asked for alcohol the server sort of chuckled and shook his head in the negative. So be it, I’ll have a 100 PLUS then. In the soft drink world, Hundred-Plus sits between Sprite and Red Bull. It claims to have some sort of “active hydration isotonic” qualities, and can be found everywhere out here. I’m usually quite anti-soda, but if they sold this in the states, I’d buy a can every few weeks.
It’s that good.
In any case, the following afternoon, I decided to give the previously suggested venue one more shot, and found it open, and remarkably similar to the first I had tried, and although it appeared from the pasted news clippings that the establishment enjoyed more popularity than my own discovery, I honestly preferred the prior night’s meal.
Tricky
The following morning I made my pilgrimage to the Petronas Towers, though not to go up to the skybridge, just to get a bit closer. I should have guessed that as I headed toward the city’s most popular tourist destination, the reading on my scam-o-meter would spike.
“It makes me very happy to see your face. I see a lot of luck in you.” He said as he passed. “I look in your face, you see, I read astrology, and in you I see it. You have good things to come. It does me good to see you.”
“Thank you” I said. Their smiles always soften your critical senses. For a moment I judged him to be genuine.
“But, your friend, he’s no good for you…”
“My friend?”
“Yes, he may smile, be very friendly, but talks behind your back.”
Then, with perhaps a bit too much gusto, I exclaimed aloud “That is an incredibly general statement. Thank you. I’ll be on my way.”
He scowled, I walked off.
So which one of you is it, ey? Come on! Fess up! I know one of you dear friends is speaking ill of me! Beware the common gonif who dares cross me!
The Rest
Two nights is barely enough to get to know the place. There seems to be an active and interesting food scene, plenty of day trips to do from the center of town, and even some fashionable young gays in the open air! I suppose this is as good a place as any to note that this is the first city I’ve visited on my trip where there seems to be a reasonably open gay scene, as opposed to a quite down-low presence, with more of an emphasis on “lady boys.” The different expressions of sexuality in the context of different cultures continues to fascinate me, and I’m not even in Thailand yet! (By the time this gets posted I will be) I should also mention, since the themes often tie together, that although Malaysia is predominantly a Muslim nation, all the major shopping complexes are adorned with vibrant Christmas displays, and many shops are already playing the dreaded 24/7 Christmas radio. As Muslim countries go, I’m quite happy to see that Malaysia is largely as laid back and hypocritical as so many western nations with strong religious streaks. They may profess their beliefs in public, but they still want to have fun, and seem to be as willing to conveniently forget certain outdated dogmas as the rest of us. Thank God.
Moving on, as it were, I compose this paragraph on an overnight express train, which is soon to cross the Malaysian/Thai border and deposit me in Hat Yai, a city popular with the Malays for tourism. They have sleeper cars, but my reservation was too last-minute to get one, so I spent most of the night attempting to get comfortable and fighting off the frigid air conditioning in a standard sized seat. Still, if I survived the 17 hour flight that started this trip I can get through these 12. Once in Thailand, it is my intention to catch a bus to Phuket, where I will surf my very first couch! Couchsurfing, for those who may be unaware, is a website where you can list your couch or guest room as available for backpackers to crash on for a few nights, free of charge. Hosts and guests are rated and reviewed, and can be verified as responsible or not. I found a woman, Val, who is a freelance dive instructor and has generously agreed to host me for 3 nights, which should give me plenty of time to get some R&R on the apparently incredible beaches of Phuket and neighboring Ko Phi Phi island.
